Monthly Archives: July 2014

Treatment — Week I Can Only Count to Three

I must offer my most humblest of apologies to you, my neglected diary. I can report that my health is tolerable, though we are in the thick of summer, and historically summer and I, er, do not get on. It has been six months since my diagnosis, and at my three-month check up my charming doctor announced that she would be happy to see me again in six month’s time.

Well, that would never do! I may or may not have fabricated a cough, may or may not have decided to become a bit more lethargic. (It may have been a conscious decision, or I may have been trying to evade summer altogether. Summer is nothing but heatwaves and ruptured disks and seizures, crate confinement, narcotics, and sheer boredom. Thank you, but no thank you.) I also may have neglected to tell the Moms about my plans to see dear Doctor Bonnie and my bestest most beloved nurse, and no matter how I tried to plead my case, once the team showed up at the house, we <i>actually had to go through with the exam</i>.

Worst of all, my bestest, most beloved nurse has left the practice. The upside, I had a new lady friend to flirt with and impress with my rugged good looks, my serious demeanor, and my youthful appearance. She went on and on about how good I was (but of course! I am a civilized canine!), and when she learned of my shady past, she was ever moreso impressed! (Alas, she never did get close enough for me to thoroughly investigate her most fragrant of regions . . . ah, delectable eyeballs, all the secrets that spill from your sockets to my nose. . .)

I left the exam with a belly full of treats (and an admonition to lose weight; what hypocrisy!), a higher dosage of heart medication, the same prescription of blood pressure medication, and a diuretic.

I am a pee machine! I am, if you’ll forgive me both my language and my colloquialism, a wicked pisser.


Having such medication under my belt does not mean that I am asleep on the job. In June one of the Moms had some mouth surgery, and I was on Hero Duty for weeks. Despite the encrouching summer, despite having to take it easy myself, I was there, at her side, all day, for five days straight. On her, keeping her in bed, making sure she couldn’t move around to much, and there, too, to help her eat her ice cream. Once a Hero, always a Hero.

For my summer bonus, we wrangled a free air conditioner from our awesome neighbor. He’s my man. I try to go hang out with him when he’s in the yard, but the Moms make me stay inside. They don’t understand. I need my man time.

Neech doesn’t count.

There’s noise about me making a Youtube debut, but so far I’ve put them off of that plan. I’m holding out for carrots. I’m a civilized dog, but I still need to get paid.